Aww Memorial Day weekend. The unofficial start of the summer season and official end of cuffing season. No need to get depressed, boo! It’s summertime.
For those of you not familiar with cuffing season, I’ll give a brief description of it. Cuffing season is that time of year, usually during the months of October-February, where everyone and their play cousins start searching for “the Bae” to cuddle up with so their bed won’t be so cold during the winter months. Coincidentally, cuffing season is also around the same time as Christmas and Valentine’s Day. Not only are you keeping warm between the sheets in more ways than one, but you’re also receiving at least two free gifts with purchase. Cuffing season is also the time of year where you don’t have time to socialize with your real world friends, but will annoy your social media followers with “look at what the Bae got me” posts.
However, somewhere around March and when pollen becomes a nuisance, the signs of cuffing season coming to a close begin to show. The first sign of cuffing season coming to an end is everything revolves around a gym schedule. Going hard in the gym becomes a priority. The holidays have past and it’s time to lose the winter gut because you have some summer trips planned…without the bae. And that is the second sign, summer plans revealed. Vacations are being planned and the following phrase, “I’m going to this place this or that place this summer” is being used and not the phrase “We should plan a couple trip together” The only “we” being mentioned in regards to vacation plans is friends, not the boo. The final stage and the most obvious sign of them all, nude selfies on social media. Dick prints in underwear & sweatpants, ladies wearing nothing but thongs, strategically placed items covering private parts like a Windex bottle hiding your junk(mind you their mirror is dirty but let’s not got there) pics galore. What’s missing in these social network thirst traps…the bae.
So when Memorial Day weekend comes and goes, don’t be surprised your “cuffship” has done the same. The signs were there. Even Steven Wonder saw the signs. However, there is no need to go all Lana Del Ray Summertime Sadness just yet(technically summer hasn’t start yet). You gotta get all Lil Jon on them..TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!!! Well, in this case…TIED DOWN FOR WHAT!!!
Disclaimer: Now before you start yelling “tied down for what” all willy nilly, this is for single people, specifically the newly single. This is not for the married and long the term relationship set. Tied down for what? Because you’re married. Because you’re really in love. Because you don’t need to be making jackass moves because you want to enjoy the single life again. You can still turn up with your significant other(or your sidepiece which ever works). Back to our regularly scheduled program that is already in session.
Now ask yourself, why would you want to be tied down with someone you really don’t have romantic feelings for, especially during the summer? It’s too damn hot to have an extra body under you that you really don’t give a damn about. Summer, in my mind, is the season where its okay for an adult to relive their childhood and where the prude and conservative can embrace their inner whoredom. Our lives, for the most part, is very hectic with school, work, family, etc. throughout the year so summer is ideally the season of escapism.
Don’t forget about the summertime sexiness. Everyone’s sex factor is on level ten and hormones raging out of control. Ladies in next to nothing outfits. Shirtless men walking around with their asses hanging out. Let’s not forget the beach. Barely covered body parts everywhere. I would’ve mentioned pool parties but black pool parties are usually fully clothed like its a church revival, not a pool party but you get what I’m saying. Say it with me…TIED DOWN FOR WHAT!!!!
What can you do to celebrate the end of cuffing season? Get back in touch with your friends that you dropped for the “bae”, apologize, and start hanging out with them again. Go on vacation with the crew or go solo. Attend one of the many festivals in your city. Discover a day party at your local lounge and club. Work on a project that you’ve been putting off. If you’re a member of the LBGT community, go to a pride event. Volunteer for a local charity.
The main objective of getting over the cuffing season blues is learning to date yourself and enjoy your own company. Cuffing season, after all, is a temporary cure for a permanent condition: loneliness. Getting to know yourself prepares for your next relationship once you start dating again.You have established what you’re looking for in a relationship and a potential partner by getting to know yourself. Why settle for a temporary boo in the winter because your bed is extremely cold at night and you’re horny when you can prepare for a permanent boo that can control your temperature all four seasons. Tied down for what? Because you’re actually in love, not because you’re horny, lonely, and freezing.
Now if you’re a hopeless romantic and your whole world is about to end because you’re single, by all means, go search for the relationship you need to survive. Do what makes you feel special. And to be perfectly honest, no one really has time to hear you bitch and moan about you being single during the summer in the first damn place. #imjustsaying. Everyone else, let’s get ready for summer. TIED DOWN FOR WHAT!!! AND
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