Every weekend,  I find myself watching 24 hour marathons of the Investigation Discovery Channel(aka the ID Channel). Kidnapping, murder, stalking, and other crimes are the major theme of the shows on this channel. With shows such as Evil Kin, Homicide Hunter, Deadly Devotions, I’d Kill For You, and Who The Bleep Did I Marry, you already know what to expect.

My addiction to watching the ID Channel was so bad that I’ve even convinced one of my friends to watch it religiously as well (or did he convince me to start watching it. Who knows?). If we’re visiting each other, I guarantee that one of our TVs are on the channel.

Prime example: we were hanging out conversing over hot wings, sangria, and the ID Channel. We were watching “I’d Kill For You”  marathon when Friend said, “Jimmie, girl we have to stop watching these shows. These shows are fucking up my dating life. I already don’t trust niggas as is.”

“Bitch you know what!,” I exclaimed, “I think this shit is fucking with me too. I’m scared to even go to nigga’s houses or have company at my house now because try to kill my ass too.”

It doesn’t help that online dating crimes are on the rise. Someone is either getting robbed, assaulted, or murdered due to trying to get a quick nut. That’s why I have a strictly enforced dresscode when a piece is coming to my house: wife beater, jogging pants or basketball shorts. No jeans, heavy coats, hoodies, or sweatshirts allowed. You must strip at the door once you enter the premises. No exceptions.

The ID Channel has giving me dating paranoia. Example, I was getting to know this guy(let’s call him McClingy) and his actions were giving straight from the ID Channel tea. We were in the getting to know you phase and in my mind, I thought he was moving extremely fast in that department. How fast? If I made post on Facebook or Instagram, he would text me within 120 seconds of that post.

I failed to mentioned, McClingy located my Facebook profile two days after we met without me giving out my government name. I know in the 21st Century, your social media is how people get to know each other. Again, nothing is wrong with that.  He alleges my profile appeared under, “People You Might Know Section.” Goddamn you Facebook for making stalking more convenient.

During this getting to know you phase,  I discovered two things about McClingy that are red flags for me: he doesn’t take rejection well and everyone was against him. Investigation Discover suggests are these are gateways signs of a psychopath based on the television shows.

Needless to say, I had to slowly stop interacting with him because thanks to the ID Channel I became paranoid. Did I think he was going to kill me? No. Did I think he was going to kidnap and convert me to a Jehovah’s Witness? For the most part, I did.

In hindsight, McClingy is a good guy and he was sincerely interested in me in a non-psychopath way. However, the damn ID Channel had me thinking this nigga wanted to kill me because he actually showing interest. Damn you Investigation Discovery.

Despite the paranoia, I learned several things about relationships and people based on watching this channel. Here’s a few:

1. Everyone is a little psycho. And I do mean everyone. We all have those things that makes up tick and will make you set it off like you’re Jada, Latifah, Vivica, and Kimberly. Embracing and nurturing your crazy will help you looking out for the craziness in another person. Embrace and nurture your crazy.

2. Everyone hates rejection but not everyone can handle it. Rejection is a part of life and we’ve been taught that never take “no” as an answer. That theory only applies to promotions, opportunities, and lay-a-ways for Malaysian Remy bundles and not dating. Not everyone is going to like your flavor of buffalo wings. Just because the person you admire prefers the taste of garlic parmesan on their lips over your xxxtra wet, xxxtra hot wings doesn’t mean you have to kill or stalk them. Hell I prefer boneless wings myself. If you’re doing the rejecting, keep in mind this person also has emotions and a heart just like you. So be upfront and tactful if you’re not feeling that person.

3. Never let your guard down. If I haven’t learned anything from watching the ID Channel, I learned that people will use your vulnerability to their advantage. Don’t get me wrong, showing emotions is all cool and the gang on special occasions. However, majority of the victims featured on Investigation Discovery become prey based on their vulnerability. At the same dam time, don’t become the bitter bitch that people want to see get killed.

4. If the relationship is over, let it be over . If you don’t want to be in a marriage, relationship, or interact with the person anymore, you don’t have to kill them. Just be a man(or woman) about the situation, just tell them. Think about it: is this person worth ruining the rest of your life? Hell to the naw.

Needless to say, I’ve decreased my viewership of Investigation Discovery. I want to believe there’s still sane people out there in the world. However, I still meet people with caution nonetheless.

My new addiction is watching the HGTV and FYI channels now. Instead of thinking of ways to get killed, my new infatuation is learning about open concept kitchens, flipping houses, and living in a 540 square foot tiny home. The reality: I watch too much goddamn television and I need to be more productive with my life.

Do you have a dating paranoia and how does it effect your dating life? Share your story below.