I Wanna Get To Know Ya: The 30 and Up Remix.

*Sings* Getting to know you, Getting to know all about you. Getting to like you, Getting to hope you like me. Getting to know you, putting it my way but nicely you are precisely my cup of tea.

Ahh! The getting to know you(G2KU) stage of dating. The initial stage where we attempt to go beyond the physical attraction of a potential boo and explore their inner beauty. In other words, we are hoping to find the total package: amazing sex + eye candy+ dope personality.

Depending on your dating resume’, the G2KU stage is exciting but it can also be a challenge. I love the excitement of the G2KU stage of dating because I genuinely love conversing(notice I didn’t say conversate) with people with diverse backgrounds, beliefs, and interests.  As a writer and blogger, it gives me the opportunity to not only discuss different viewpoints other than mine, but also gives me ideas for this blog site.

However, the G2KU stage is challenging and can be a pain in the ass. Depending on your expectations and standards, this stage of dating will forever be a challenge because, let’s be honest, your expectations may be unrealistic and your standards are too high. More than likely, this stage of dating is tiresome for you to the point where you’re constantly meeting new people every fourteen days or when a new pair of Jordans are being released, whichever comes  first.  SIDENOTE: If your G2KU stage never goes pass two weeks, the only muthafucka you need to get to know is yourself, including self-evaluations. Remember I told you, having high expectations can lead to becoming a VIP member in Club Lonely. If you’re serious about dating and finding love, its time to trim those requirements down.

As we get older and wiser, our dating habits began to mature. Although physical attraction is still a major factor in choosing a mate, however mental attraction becomes equally important based on our life stages. Back in our early adulthood, we believed that having the sexiest muthafucka on the planet was the most important thing when it comes to dating. Now as we get older and wiser, most of us look for stability, responsibility, personality, and overall respect as a person as factors in dating.

I will admit, since being in my thirties, getting to know a potential mate has been a chore.  I treat the G2KU stage like its the probation period of new job. Think about it, as we start a new position or a new job, the first ninety days are usually for development, training, and getting accustomed to culture of the organization. We’re usually on our best behavior because we’re eager to make an excellent impression to management to show that we’re a valuable asset to the organization. Usually, our benefit packages aren’t effective until we become permanent employees after ninety days. Once the probation period is over, our true colors began to show. Its the same thing in dating. No one shows their true personality until after the probation period is over and they are “hired” to become your boo.

A good friend of mine, we’ll call him “VerseNVegas”,  recently asked what should he look for when getting to know a potential boo. Known for treating potentials like they’re in relationship before actually getting to know them, “VerseNVegas” is taking a different approach in dating. His current approach isn’t necessarily a horrible idea, per se. However, you can’t play Prince Charming without knowing if your potential mate is Snow White (always on the run and hiding from the truth), Sleeping Beauty(clueless), Cinderella(can’t make their own decisions), or Maleficent(jaded and bitter). Instead of being Prince Charming, he should’ve been treating these potentials like Goldilocks and the Three Bears: try them out until there’s one that just right. This one is too tight, this one is too loose, this is one is just right. This one is too big. This is one is too small, this is one just right.

I presented “VerseNVegas” with the following advice since he’s seems to be ready to find a playmate  in the desert. I assume he’s ready for someone to pull the handle on his slot machine and only playing solo blackjack occasionally but I’m not the one to gossip so you didn’t hear this from me. Before presenting the GrabYaJimmie’s Guide to the G2KU stage, I advise him(and you as well)to determine where you are in life at this present time, what are your goals for the future, and what exactly are you looking for in a mate.

When getting to know a potential boo, you should discuss these topics in detail:

  • Values-What are your views on religion, politics, and social issues?
  • Childhood/family-Are you close with your family?; Do you have siblings?;How often do you talk to your parents?
  • Finances-What is your current occupation; Are you a splurger or a saver? Disclaimer: Please do not discuss credit, FICO scores, bankruptcies, salaries, etc until you’re ready to move in together.
  • Sexpectations– What are your sexual boundaries and dealbreakers?; Sexual health.
  • Thoughts on relationships– What are your thoughts on relationships?; Do you believe in monogamy?; What are your expectations and dealbreakers in relationships?
  • Handling conflicts in relationships-How do you handle disagreements in a relationship?; Do you argue and scream or do you just walk away until everything cools off?
  • Passion, goals, and aspirations-Discuss personal goals and bucket lists.
  • Friends-Who are your closet friends?; How often do ya’ll talk? Disclaimer: I always suggest waiting to meet friends of potential mates until after ninety days. Spend this time getting to know your potential before interacting with friends.
  • Social life-What do you to relax?; How often do you go out?

You can also discuss other topics of your choice. Its all about showing that you’re interested in getting to know a potential and not about getting them out of their American Eagle underwear. One last tip, get to know your potential without the assistance of social media and text messaging. Go on actual dates and talk without posting updates on your timeline. Remember we’re grown ass people now, not teenage girls.

The main purpose of the G2KU stage is to ultimately determine if your potential boo has the total package and worth being in a relationship in the long haul. As amazing as sex can be, a relationship can’t be built on just that alone. How well do you mesh outside of the bedroom(or back alley) determines if you’ve find the right one. Even if some of your views may clash and I’m sure they will, respectfully disagree and but remain interested in your potential boo. You’re ready for the challenge?  Happy dating, kids.

Share your thoughts below.