The following is an example of what types of messages I get on my hook-up apps. Note the names have been changed to protect the not so innocent but the conversation is very real.
Ghost Profile: Sup Jimmie. I see you still sexy as fuck yo.
Me: Who this?
Ghost: You know the dude from the party you were at a few months. I just want to thank you for not telling my boyfriend about us messing around last summer.
Ghost opens up his private pics on. It’s Red Velvet(not his real name). I remember him now. Cute dude. Beyond horrible sex. He was at the cocktail party with his boyfriend, Sock It To Me(not his real name also).
Coincidentally, I hooked up with Sock It To Me last summer as well but was unaware of his relationship with Red Velvet. It was until a few pictures of both Red Velvet and Sock It To Me began to surface on Instagram two weeks later with the caption, “Happy Two Year Anniversary to My Bae.I love you. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.” This nigga.
Me: Oh hey Red Velvet? What’s been up with you? How’s the relationship going? You and Sock It To Me make a nice couple.
Red Velvet: Oh its like that Jimmie? I just wanted to know when can we chill again(code word: when can we fool around again). I don’t have shit to do. I’m bored and horny. Wassup pa? You gonna come pick me up?
Me: Don’t you have a live in sex partner now? LOL. I don’t think you should be cheating on Sock It To Me because he’s a good dude.(Look at me not wanting to be homewrecker anymore).
You have been blocked by Red Velvet and you can no longer send messages.
For those of you who have read the original Shit.Bored.Horny article, where I talked about the lack of communication skills that appears on hook-up apps and how it can a potential mood killer. Well this the remix. Call me R. Kelly, Puff Daddy, Jermaine Dupri or Mike Will Mad It. This version of Shit, Bored, Horny is about those dudes who be searching for sex online knowing goddamn well they’re in a relationship.
These are same dudes who will not only express they love to their bae on Facebook, share their wedding pictures on Instagram, and tweet about how they got a man at home like they’re Chante’ Moore, but at the same damn time will create ghost accounts on Jack’d and Adam4Adam looking for the occasional jump off. To their followers, they have a perfect and loving relationship(#relationshipgoal). In reality, however, they have a sexless relationship. The last time they probably fucked as a couple was when Scandal had an interesting story on TGIT and we all know that was very long time ago.
Admittedly, I’ve been that dude that been in a relationship and still hooking up with other people online. My reason: I was in a sexless relationship but I didn’t want to break up with my boyfriend at the time and he gave me permission to hook up with other people with parameters. The parameters were they couldn’t fall in love with them.
The story behind the music of our relationship: What started as a “no strings attached just meet me at a door buck ass naked sexual situationship” became a “we wanted to get to know each other better” relationship. It was perfect timing. I was ready to become an honest man and ready for a relationship. So I thought anyway.
As we got more involved, we talked about what we liked sexually and realized with that we lacked sexual compatibility. He liked using poppers, watching bareback porn, and having raw sex. I was the complete opposite: I rarely watched porn, never used poppers, and using condoms was very mandatory for me. Plus he was a strictly bottom and I was completely versatile. Disaster waiting to happen but I digress.
Why did we stay in the relationship if were sexually incompatible? We enjoyed each other’s company, we had great times together, and we convinced ourselves that sex wasn’t important. After all love is all we need. Big mistake.
A few year older and having worked behind the scenes in the porn industry, my ex declared that sex was not important to him in a relationship. He just wanted a companionship and someone to understand his current situation in life. Therefore, I was given permission to have an open relationship.
Although I was in an open relationship and I took advantage of the situation, I felt like a douchebag for having sex with someone who wasn’t my dude. I wanted to have hot, passionate, unadulterated sex with my dude and not with randoms that I didn’t have a connection with. I couldn’t lie anymore, sex was important in my relationship.
As our relationship ended, I found out that my ex wanted the type of sex he watched in his favorite porn and the reason why we didn’t have sex because he knew I wasn’t into it the things he was into sexually. He didn’t want to lose me because I was the best boyfriend he’s had in a long time and wanted a friendship with me. Our relationship eventually ended due to the lack of sex in our relationship, amongst other things.
Coincidentally, some of my friends were having issues with being in sexless relationships as well. Although they love their partners, they also pretended that sex wasn’t an important factor in their relationships also. Bullshit.
What did they do to fix their relationships? Open relationships, attempted to spice up their sex life by having threesomes, or the relationships eventually ended. Despite every attempt to make their relationship work without the sex, sex played a major factor of the break-up.
The lack of sex, I believe, is the main reason people cheat in the relationship. As more gays began to start families and have dreams of white weddings, we must remember that we are men and we have sexual desires. One of the basic needs of men is to have an empty nutsack preferably with participation from their partner. So if you ain’t participating, they will find someone who will. With the invention of social media and hook-up apps, ordering up a piece of ass has become easier than ordering a pizza. Call that ass Lil’ Caesar because a sexless man is looking for someone who is hot and ready.
Before you consider taking a bite of the hot and ready, you might want to consider having a meal at home. If your relationship is lacking sex, communicate that with your partner. Lack of communication plus lack of sex is the symptoms of relationship downfall. When it’s all said and done, you will have the best sex of your life with someone you love.
Also, if you and your partner agree with having open relationships, make sure you communicate and lay down parameters that you both can agree on. Keyword: you both should agree. Relationships rules are meant to be created by those in a relationship and not by society. Fuck what everyone has to say, its your relationship and make it work.
Getting back to Red Velvet and Sock It To Me, Red Velvet just wants his cake and eat it too(well technically he doesn’t eat cakes amongst other things and maybe that’s why Sock It To Me creeps on the low but I’m not the one to gossip, so you didn’t hear that from me). After all, Red Velvet gets by on his pretty boy looks and the attention he gets from his social media followers lusting over him. In reality, he doesn’t have anything going for him and he uses people for his advantage. Just a douchebag muthafucka. That’s all.
What are your thoughts on people who are in relationships that still have hook-up profiles and open relationships? Share your thoughts below.