First, let me say that I love your blog and I love the advice you’ve posted in the past, so I figured that you’ll be able to help me with my situation.
I’ve been in relationship with this guy for two years and here’s the thing: he doesn’t claim me as his boyfriend. He tells people that I’m his best friend or his roommate. Mind you, we currently share a two-bedroom apartment but we sleep in the same bed and have sex with each other every night.
My boyfriend is not on the DL and his family and friends all know about me, but they only know me as his homeboy not his lover. When I asked him why he doesn’t tell people that I’m his boyfriend, he just says he’s doesn’t believe in labels and what we have shouldn’t be defined.
Jimmie, I don’t know what to do? I want to give him an ultimatum: he either acknowledges that I’m his boyfriend or I’m nothing at all. Jimmie, what are your thoughts?-Looking For the Title.
Looking For the Title,
Thank you for the love and I hope you keep reading after the advice I’m about to give.
First of all, ultimatums are never good. You can’t force anyone to do or say anything their heart doesn’t allow. Words are good but action speaks louder. In my best Joan Crawford voice..NO ULTIMATUMS EVER.
Secondly, in your mind, he’s your boyfriend and vice verse. In his mind, ya’ll are just fucking that happen to share living and sleeping quarters. You’re his live-in fuck buddy AKA his fuck buddy on demand like on cable. When he want to play in your cakes or have a little sword fight action, all he has to do is press your body remote and in the words of my boy Future, Voila! magic, you ready, willing, and able for his pleasure.
On the other hand, he may not be ready for the responsibility that comes with the “boyfriend” title. Once he acknowledges that he’s in a relationship, he may feel like his freedom is being taking away. However, he’s getting the boyfriend benefits without wanting the title. Think about it like this, why would you pay for cable when you’re getting the channels for free?
As men, we stake claim on whatever is ours. Whether it’s cars, shoe, relationships, or the last gulp of red Kool-Aid in fridge, men like to stake claims. If he’s not tagging you in his Instagram selfies as his bae but as my homeboy kickin’ it, you are just his homeboy, not bae. That’s just letting you know, indirectly, that I’m not committed to one person and I have other shones on the side.
My advice is summed up in the following gif:
Continue to be his best friend and his roommate, however remove the notion that he was ever your boyfriend. Hell, continue to have sex with dude if that what your heart desires. If you’re looking for relationship, keep looking because it’s not in your house at this moment.
Once you start dating again and if he get’s jealous, that how you know he actually considers you his boo. Being mute got his toy taking away. I hope my advice helps you and good luck.
P.S. Please don’t go out and date someone who is Vanilla Ice corny. I just used him for GIF purposes only. Go find someone will not only Bae you up but also break you off properly.
If you any questions about anything or just need my advice, send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org, with the subject line of “Yo Jimmie”. Of course, you will remain anonymous.