Confessions of a Male THOT: A Satire.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have a confession to make: I’m a Man Thot. A man whore. A man slut. A male version of that ho over there(where “there “is).

What makes me a Man-Thot? Just look at my Instagram and Facebook posts. I create thirst traps in my sleep. Shirtless selfies showing off my well-defined abs and my countless hours in the church called LA Fitness have paid off. My ever ready erection outlined in my American Eagle boxer briefs is sure to bring all the girls(and the boys)to the yard. My body pics are religiously reblogged on Tumblr, used for club flyers, and catfishing unsuspected dates around the world. I live for the applause. Shit, its free publicity for me. Goddamnit, I love it.

You can spot my thotness miles away. Just look at my well defined, tatted up body.  I have a galaxy of stars on my torso, some kisses on my chest, animal prints on my bicep, and of course, “Only God Can Judge” me wrapped around my collarbone. You didn’t notice the nipple piercings? We can definitely fix that.  Even in my uniform of basketball shorts, wifebeater, Nike shower shoes, and ankle sock, you can feel my thotness energy. After all, I make sure my ass is on display as I wear my shorts below my ass checks. In the words of King of Thots, Trey Songz, my cakes are always on the menu.

Speaking of Trigga, his music is the soundtrack to my life. Give me some Breezy, Alsina, Rih-Rih, and 2 Chainz, I’ll be sure to get turnt up.  After four shots of Patron or Peach Ciroc, I’ll be out of my shirt by the time the DJ plays “These Hoes Ain’t Loyal” for the third time at the club. Partying at all the THOT spots is on my bucketlist: Vegas, New York, Miami, ATL, and of course, Puerto Rico.

Despite being the ultimate fantasy for both sexes, there is a downfall to being a male thot: our insecurities. You see, most of us wasn’t the popular guy in high school. We were either too nerdy, too fat, or too invisible to get the attention of those we had crushes on. Deep down inside, we wanted to be accepted by our peers and have the confidence to be able to date anyone we please. Our motivation is to become the most desirable man in the world because we never felt that way in our childhood. Ugly ducklings that turned into a beautiful swans.

Dating is difficult for us. We’re always getting our hearts broken by people we want to be desired by the most. Everyone we date can’t seem to get passed the physical and they’re not willing to get know the real me. Despite my pics and my desire for attention, deep inside I’m actually a shy and sensitive guy. All they see is sex. The same pics that caught their attention in the first place are now the pictures they have issues with.

We have multitudes of followers telling us we’re sexy, what they would like to do us, and send us direct messages all day. However, we just want that one message from the one person we desire to say, “You’re my boo and I got you.”  That’s what means the most. We’re all looking for someone to love and if you can get passed my pictures, you will understand, that I’m a good ass man.

On second thought, I’m not a Thot at all. Just because I’m comfortable with my sexuality, love to show my nakedness, and love to have good time does not make me a whore. It makes me confident. After all, clothes doesn’t make a man, confidence does. Your judgment of me is not my business and not my worry. Your perception is your reality, not mine.

So don’t judge me, I won’t judge you. Just respect me and continue to like my pics on Facebook and Instagram. I’m genuinely a nice guy that just happens to appreciate my sex appeal. So sit on down here and let me give you this lapdance you’ve been lusting for.

Editor’s Note: This post is not based on one particular person, nor is it a subliminal read. It is based on observations and conversations that I’ve with friends and acquaintances over the years. The moral of the story: never judge a book by its cover. Thanks for reading. 

What are some misconceptions about you that may be affecting your dating life? Share your story below.