The Ex-Factor: How to Get Over An Ex

How does one get over a break-up? Some of us cry all week and go on eating binges. Some go on random sexcapades with random partners, or in the case of one of my friends, start a new life in a different city.

How do I deal with a break up? I literally go into mourning like a part of me has died and I wear my interpretation of Mary J. Blige’s signature look from the “Not Gon Cry ” video(big ass black sunglasses, black hoodie, a pack of cloves, and a bottle of Remy is part of my mourning wear) and play every ghetto heartbreak song on my “Niggaz Ain’t Shit” playlist: “Bust Yo Windows”. “Should’ve Cheated on You.” “Free Yourself.” “The Ex-Factor.”  Sidenote: Ghetto heartbreak songs are the best songs to listen to when it comes to breakups because they don’t make you cry however, they will make you pissed for being in the relationship in the first place.

After you have cried and damn near died from the initial reaction of the break-up, you begin to ask yourself questions, such as “What did I do wrong?” or “What more could I’ve done to make my partner love me?”  You know those questions that brings more self doubt regarding the break-up. However, its time to close that chapter of your life and move forward without your ex.

As much as you may want to bust the windows out his car, sleep with her homegirl or cousin, or go all Waiting to Exhale and set all their shit on fire, unfortunately, these are not the ways to get over an ex. Although it will bring you temporary joy, deep inside you are still heartbroken. And let’s be honest, this also shows your ex that you’re still feeling some type of way about the break-up. Plus, you will realize all these actions will also make you look like a jackass in the end.

Many relationship experts and articles have suggested several ways to get over an ex, specifically getting on with your life. Since GrabYaJimmie is all about getting on with your life, I have listed several suggestions that can assist you with getting your ex and getting your groove back.

1. Unfollow and unfriend your ex on social media. Basically this is a new form of stalking. Instead of showing up unannounced at their house or their job, you are basically stalking their Instagram, Twitter, and their Facebook. Nothing will stir up emotions like knowing your ex has moved on with their life without you. So to keep your sanity, delete their telephone number. Delete them from your social media. Delete them out of your life.2. Look at the relationship as a learning experience. After a relationship ends, especially if you’ve been in one for a lifetime, this is the perfect time to evaluate what you’ve learned from the experience. Look at it as self-evaluation. What did I learn about myself from being in the relationship? What did I contribute to the relationship? What efforts can I make in my next relationship that I didn’t do in the last one?

Notice I said self-evaluation. Writing in a journal is the best way to express your feelings. Journal writing, for me, has one of the most therapeutic experiences because sometimes verbally expressing your emotions maybe difficult.

3. Stop having sex with the ex. I know this suggestion is going to be difficult for most of us. Probably the best thing about the entire relationship is the sex. Sex with ex can only lead to one thing: more heartbreak. The emotions are still there and there’s no need to give or have false hope that you may get back together. I might add, its time for you to meet new people and having sex with an ex is going backwards.

4. Get your life back. I’m a firm believer in if you keep yourself busy, you don’t have to time to be depressed over a relationship. This is the time to go hang out with your crew, finally finish a project, travel, or get in back to your fitness program(because most of us have gained that “I’m in relationship and I’m comfortable” weight) because you’ve probably neglected them while being in the relationship. More importantly, it’s time to start dating the most important person in the universe, yourself. I know people tend to frown on the concept of self-dating but let’s be honest: if you can’t enjoy you’re own damn company, how in the hell you expect someone to enjoy yours.

5. Accept that all things must come to an end. Here’s a concept that most people find foreign: a relationship doesn’t have to end in chaos. People grow apart, especially in relationships, and that’s not a bad thing.  My friend has an ex that can’t seem to understand that relationships can end without all the drama.

Here’s the situation: my friend ended his relationship with ex because he started to outgrow him. Friend has just received his dream job and started achieving personal goals that he has set(You Go Boy!), whereas his dude became complacent in his life and was cool with that(Oh No Boy!). Realizing they were growing apart, Friend broke up with Dude. Not understanding the concept of growth, Dude began reacting in a chaotic mess and accusing friend of leaving him for another man. Technically, Friend did leave Dude for another man: a man called dream career. Dude has to learn that relationships can end on good terms especially if he loved and respected Friend.

Mutual respect and love for each other makes it easier for a break up to end smoothly. No need for the name calling, physical violence, and animosity because your no longer together. Just a mutual agreement the relationship ending was both ya’ll decision.

Bonus Track: Don’t bring your ex up when you’re dating other people. This a HUGE pet peeve of mine. Bringing up your ex while you are dating a new person is a major killjoy and it confirms that you’ve never gotten over your ex and you don’t want to. My ex did this..My ex did thatMy ex use to..I recently went on a date with this attractive guy and the date was going well until he kept word vomiting his ex. So I asked dude, “Your ex has done alot of shit, so what exactly did you do to give your ex that much authority?” He gave me a puzzled look and I proceeded to not call him back. This goes back into learning about yourself after the relationship ends and focus on getting your life back. Especially if its been at least 3 years since that relationship ended.

With that said, it’s time to put that bottle of Henny down and put away all those depressing ass songs and movies and get back to living. Your Dreamlover is out there waiting for you but your ass need to get it together before you encounter them. And when you see ex in the streets, show them that you have move on with your life and you wish them well. And refrain from doing any of the following:

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