Study: You Gotta Big D but You Don’t Know How To Use It

Who knew having a big dick could cause major issues in a relationship, especially when it comes to sex? One would think having a baby’s arm(as one of my  friends calls big dicks) in your pants, you would be able to satisfy your partner sexually. However, your big dick may be the reason your lover is cheating on you. Now that’s a big dick problem.

According to a recent study, researchers found the longer the man’s penis is, the more likely his partner will cheat on him(insert blank stare here ). I know the Gays are really having a kiki about the last statement. Don’t worry gays, they only interviewed women for this study. The research states that women associates large penises with pain and discomfort during sex which precludes the enjoyment and sexual satisfaction that women are supposed to feel. So in other words, your dick may be long but your woman isn’t satisfied.

I know most of you are thinking, how can having a big penis cause discomfort and pain in women, after all they are able to give birth to a human. Well as one female subject stated in the article, “Some penis may be large yet my vagina is small, when he tries to insert it inside, it hurts so much that I will have to look for another man who has a smaller penis and can do it in a way I can enjoy.”  #ur2big2fitinhere.

In essence, having a big penis, for women anyway, is like the good furniture your great-grandma had in her living room covered in plastic: its looks good for appearance purposes but you’re not allowed to enjoy it. In the words of the late Magnolia Shorty, you may have a big dick but you don’t know how to use it.

However, there is a tab bit of good news for members of The Big Dick Club. Another research study found that gay men who have larger penises are more likely to have much higher self-esteem and identify as a top(my straight readers I will explain later) than those gay men how have “average or below-average” penises who maybe considered “bottoms.”  The bad news(or maybe not to some), this research also states that gay men with big penises are more likely to not use condoms during sexual intercourse due to not having the right size condoms available. Kids, you should have a box of Magnums and normal size condoms in your nightstand just in case.

So what is today’s lesson kids: Straight women like to look at big penises but when it comes to sex, they prefer average sizes because they’re less painful. The Gays, on the other hand, love to look at, worship, create a shrine, and have sex with bigger penises and the guy with the bigger dick in the relationship is most likely the top. Although I personally know some bottoms who had baby arms in their American Eagle underwear as well.

Sidenote: writing this blog reminds me of one of my favorite movie scenes of all time: The Penis Song from the Cameron Diaz and Christina Applegate movie The Sweetest Thing. #ur2big2fitinhere. Check out the video below:

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