Ya’ll remember that Britney Spears song, “Toxic”, from a few years back where Brit-Brit, as I call her, described her dude’s love or let’s be real, sex game, as toxic and addictive. A few years later, Britney went nuts and lost herself along the way. I know what you’re say, “Why are we talking about Britney Spears and toxic anyway?”
My point is that we all have or will experience a relationship that is toxic and not in the way Britney said in her song. When I talk about toxic, I’m talking about being involved with a loved one that seems to suck all the energy from you because of unnecessary chaos and drama they bring into your life. I say loved one because it can be a friend, relative, or a significant other. Since GrabYaJimmie is a semi-intimate relationship blog(in case you didn’t know), the main focus of this article is being in a toxic relationship with your mate.
Being that I’ve been through this shit myself, there’s nothing worst than being in a toxic relationship with someone that you thought was the person for you. The same person who is suppose to have your back and comfort you is the same person that’s slowly becoming your worst enemy. The same person who you give your all to but it seems like no matter what you do for them, their ass is never satisfied and ungrateful. The same person who at one point brought you joy when you saw their face is the same person that everytime you see them now, you feel miserable and can’t stand to be around them. Like I said before, I been through this shit myself.
Speaking from experience, I stayed in a toxic relationship for several reasons: I was in love with this person, I thought my mate would eventually change their ways, and I didn’t want to be single. That’s my truth. We stay in relationships sometimes not because we actually love the other person, but to prove to ourselves(and others)that we are actually happy knowing damn well we are miserable as hell.
In her article, Five Signs You’re In a Toxic Relationship, Yvette Bowlin describes several factors that are toxic relationship red flags. Here’s a brief synopsis of each sign and my interpretation.
1. It seems like you can’t do anything right. Your mate is never satisfied with anything that you do or they begin to reprimand you like you’re a child.
2. Everything is about them and not about you. Your mate tells you everything about what’s wrong with them and how you don’t treat them with respect. However, when you tell them the exact same thing, they go deaf all of a sudden or they don’t acknowledge your feelings at all.
3. You find yourself unable to enjoy the good moments with this person.You remember when you and “the bae ” first starting dating and you used to love being around them? Now you barely want to interact them because they bring such a negative presence everytime ya’ll are together.
4. You’re uncomfortable being yourself around that person.If you can joke with your crew but you can’t joke with you boo then its a problem. What’s worst, close friends noticed you’ve changed drastically. At the same time, you are slowly resenting the person you’ve become and resented your mate.
5. You’re not allowed to grow and change. You share your goals, dreams, and accomplishments with your boo and you are making things happen. However, the boo doesn’t see it happening for you and they let you know that you’re failure. Or you want to experience all the joys life brings and that person is constantly stuck in their ways and don’t see anything wrong with it.
Anything that brings your sadness or pain, you have to cut it off. My philosophy (and my homegirl’s favorite song), it ain’t nothing to cut that bitch off. If the relationship is bringing you down and its no longer fun anymore, cut that bitch off.
One lesson we have to learn from being in toxic relationships is what role did we play in this chaotic relationship and how not to accept it in the next relationship. Oh no, your boo isn’t fully responsible for the chaos; you also played a part in the chaos. You didn’t speak up and stand your ground in expressing how you wanted to be treated in the relationship. Even if you did speak up, you didn’t follow through with ultimatums because I know you gave your mate a few. So if you get another relationship, not only tell your mate how you wanted to be treated but also show them.
Side note: these signs also applies to friendships and relatives as well. Cut that bitch off to any relationship that brings you hell than heaven.
Share your thought below.