Ladies and gays, the fuck boy epidemic is amongst us and it’s spreading more rapidly than the Zika virus. This disease is not only causing us to lose our goddamn minds, but it also effecting our dating lives. The fuck boy disease must be eliminated immediately.
What is a fuck boy exactly? According to the Urban Dictionary, a fuck boy is an egotistical and self-centered male who believes the world revolves around them. The GrabYaJimmie definition(the only definition that matters BTW), a fuck boy is a dude that has the tendency to fuck over people without any remorse and lacks accountability for their fucked up behavior. Other common names for fuck boys, include but not limited to, douche bags, assholes, and bitch ass niggas.
Great examples of fuck boys: Chris Brown, Scott Disick, Kanye West, and every male cast member on any Love & Hip-Hop franchise whose name isn’t Papoose or Mendeecees. These famous fuck boys are infamous for using their various platforms to showcase their one main talent: putting their significant others through hell with no fucks given.
I know what you’re thinking gays and ladies: how do I spot a fuck boy? What are the characteristics of a fuck boy? Do I attract fuck boys? You know I’m not going to leave you hanging.
Below is the tell tale signs of how to spot a fuck boy and how you can avoid making a song about them like K. Michelle and Trina.
He might be a fuck boy if he claims to hate playing games but he seems to playing games with you. If I had a quarter for every dude I’ve encountered who have uttered the word, “I don’t like to play games,” and turn around to do exact opposite, I wouldn’t have to work anymore. Fuck boys love to manipulate and play mind games but they also hate being played. He will be the dude that doesn’t return phone calls, texts, or messages, constantly cancels plans at the last minute, stands you up for every planned date, and hit you with that “new phone, who this” text when he does to decide to return your message. If the words, ” I don’t like to play games” is uttered…it’s time to run for the hills.
He might be a fuck boy if he doesn’t take accountability for his actions. Fun fact: we all have issues and problems. Like Beyonce’, most of us have turned those lemons into lemonade, lemon drops, or lemon peppered wings. However, fuck boys will not only blame you for growing the lemons but also blame you for not giving them ingredients, instruments, and instructions to make lemonade, lemon drops, or lemon peppered wings. Everything from financial issues to his crazy ass ex is everyone’s fault except for the fuck boy’s. Fuck boy has no idea why he’s getting put of out the house, why he doesn’t have enough money for a $4 meal at Wendy’s, or why his baby’s mom is going ham. He does know everyone is tripping on him and he didn’t do anything wrong.
He might be a fuck boy if he’s always naked or talking about sex on social media but gets mad when people treat him like a sex object. This dude is the ultimate fuck boy. His dick print is always on display like a Time Square billboard. The same shirtless nigga who is always either in a towel, in underwear or sagging with his ass showing. The same nigga who is thirst trapping about how horny he is. You comment on how sexy his body is or how you wish you could be there with him. This same shirtless, thirst trapping nigga gets upset with you because you’re not paying attention to his hustle of selling body wraps or Herbalife, or you’re not taking his Langston Hughes goals seriously. Boy bye! You’re advertising your body, not your artwork. If you’re really want people to pay attention to your other talents, display your craft and your body at the same damn time. This is the perfect example of someone being attractive until they opened their mouth.
He might be a fuck boy if he’s hit you with any of the following combinations: hey stranger, long time no talk, you wanna come over and chill, and the all time fave: I’m not like the other guys and you can trust me. If the dude you’re talking to have said any of the previous words, it’s a 95% chance his a fuck boy. Inconsistency is a fuck boy’s middle name and he consistently known for ghosting. However, he will hit you up when he’s out of options. Jessica Dime said it best in all her fuchsia wig glory, never trust a nigga that says you can “trust him. ” He’s convinced himself that he’s not a douche bag because he’s not committed to anyone person and he’s been straight up with his intentions. However, he will be the first one to throw a Chris Brown twitter rant once you started seeing someone new or your life has moved on without him(ask Karrueche).
Gays and ladies, ladies and gays, I know you’re asking: what can I do to combat this fuck boy behavior from my life? Ask yourself what has every female cast member of any franchise of Love & Hip Hop whose name isn’t Remy Ma, Cardi B, or Yandy would do and do the exact opposite.
And then ask yourself, what I look like losing my cool over a Rich Dollaz, Peter Gunz, Yung Joc, or Lil Scrappy type of nigga? Why am I fighting over a nigga who really doesn’t give a fuck about me? Is good beefcake really worth losing my mind? You’ve got yourself fucked up, not the fuck boy in your life.
Remember basic bitch and basic nigga behavior attracts fuck boys. If you’re confident, respect yourself, love yourself, and treat others like you want to be treated, you will definitely attract some good dudes in your life but you have to ready. If not, you will end up like a cast member of Love & Hip Hop….looking basic as hell.