Bad Blood: 4 Ways to Handle a Frenemy

What about your friends? Will they stand their ground, will they let you down again?
What about your friends?  Are they gonna be low down, will they ever be around or will they turn their backs on you?

If you grew up in the 90s, you’ve heard the above words being ministered by Pastors T-Boz, Left Eye, and Chilli expressing their concerns about so-called friends and their definition of friendship. Ideally, a friend is someone who should always have your back regardless of the situation or  have your best interest at heart even when you don’t always agree with them. #Friendshipgoal examples: Sex and the City, Golden Girls, Living Single, Girlfriends, and Entourage.

However, today’s examples of friendships consist of Real Housewives, Mob Wives, R&B Divas, Love & Hip-Hop or whatever reality show is popular among the kids. It seems like people are no interested in friendships, but frenemies. One minute you’re besties, the next minute ya’ll throwing bottom shelf martinis in each other faces(and I hoping it’s bottom shelf because ain’t no way in hell I’m throwing $15 Ciroc cocktails at anybody).

What is a frenemy?  A frenemy is someone you consider a friend but also your worst enemy. One minute ya’ll hanging out. The next minute, you’re blasting them on the Internet accusing them of stealing your washer and dryer or discussing how their cooch smells like a fish market(no shade at all).

Frenemy characteristics includes, but not limited to, backhanded compliments, always in competition with you, or makes every situation about them. You know the type of shit when you’re questioning a friendship or fantasize about punching this friend in the throat.

I’ve had my share of frenemies. One frenemy,  who we’ll call Kim Zolciak, thought the world should bow down to him because not only was he from Jamaica, but also allegedly went to Morehouse and had a Naomi Campbell British accent. Girlfriend had the audacity to be snooty when he not only couldn’t pass the driver’s test but also lived in this country with an expired student visa (did I just spill that tea? Yes I did. I couldn’t help myself).

Why did our friendship end? I noticed that everytime my struggle was real, he would eagerly lend a helping hand or lend a shoulder to cry on. Once the struggle stopped, he would disappear and stop all communication with me. It took a mutual associate of ours to tell was me that Kim doesn’t like to see people succeed. Seeing other people struggle makes him feel superior because he’s believes he better than those people. After that conversation, I never communicated with Kim again.

Another frenemy, who we’ll call Juwanna Mann, was someone I considered my brother and an excellent friend. At one point, Juwanna and I were roommates. Here I am thinking we were BFFs until one day I get home and discovered an eviction notice on our door.  I went to the leasing office, thinking this eviction was a huge mistake. However, the property manager informed me that rent hasn’t been paid in three months. I was beyond pissed. Not only wasn’t this muthafucka not paying rent, he pocketed my half of the rent money. What made matters worst, I opened the door to the apartment and all of Juwanna’s shit was gone.

Years later, Juwanna would make a reappearance in my life and like a fool,  I would forgive him and rekindle our friendship. During this time, I discovered that Juwanna was back to her old schemes. Not only was she still a klepto, but she graduated to spread rumors about me. One of those rumors broke my heart: he was telling people I gave my ex-dude AIDs and he beat my ass because of the outcome. For record, I’ve never given any of my dudes a STD nor have I ever had one. I was, however,  in an abusive relationship at the time.

Why did this friendship end?  He would constantly bring up another former friend and he would bash them to me. As he was bashing them, I began to wonder was he bashing me to the former friend.  That day, I decided not to return his phone calls or texts. He would call my bestfriend and asked  him why I stopped talking to him. Even now, this nigga still hits me up on social media and I would block him everytime. I block him because deep down inside I want to body this bitch but I don’t want to ruin my life over someone who doesn’t matter.

When dealing with frenemies, you have to reevaluate your life and current situation. Is this friendship an asset or a liability in your life? Does this friend recognize their bad behavior? What is going on in this friend’s life that would cause this behavior?

Handling your frenemy can be handled in these four steps.  I live by these steps because Lord knows I would be in prison for assault charges if I didn’t.

  1. Pray- It’s takes prayer and the power of a higher being to not give into temptation of wanting to choke a frenemy out. Whoever you worship, just ask the universe to give you the strength and the guidance to deal with this person.
  2. Confront your frenemy- Giving the benefit of the doubt, this friend maybe  unaware of how their actions and behavior are effecting you. If you  consider this person an asset in your life, you should communicate your concerns with them…without an audience. Hopefully, they will consider your feelings and make efforts in becoming a better friend.
  3. Spend less time with this friend-Absence makes the heart grow fonder or whatever the Hallmark bullshit says. I’m a firm believer that if you spend less time with a toxic person, your outlook on the world change. You may even realize this friend has been holding you back from your true potential and confidence.
  4. End the friendship completely-One of my favorite songs from back in the day was “Ain’t Nothin’ to Cut That Bitch Off.”  If you’ve made it to this step, you’ve come to the conclusion that person is a toxic trick and was never your friend. This step is the hardest because you will be tempted to keep this bitch in your life but like I said in my earlier posts, cut that toxic relationship off(see:Cut That Toxic Relationship Off). Life is too short to have chaotic people in your life.

This year I made a vow to not tolerate frenemy behavior any longer. You either my friend or not. We can be cordial but I don’t plan on renewing friendships anytime soon. After all, if you were truly my friend, you ass wouldn’t been cut off in the first place. And by cordial, I mean I no longer have the desire to punch you in the mouth everytime I see you. T-Swizzy said it  best, “Band Aid Don’t Fix Bulletholes.”

Do you have a frenemy? How do you deal with the frenemy in your life? Share your story below, along with other comments.